How Do I Know If I Am Being Too Desperate?
Posted: Saturday, June 05, 2010
by Katherine Bouglai
Coaching For Singles.
Most dating experts will tell you that if you are being too desperate on your dates, it can potentially push your partner away. Since we all know that, we desperately try not to be desperate, sometimes even to the point that we appear uninterested. And that can potentially cause our date to lose interest in us. The question is, where do you find that golden middle where we are just interested enough not to scare off the person we like?
Have you ever felt like you’re being too desperate with your date? I guess, for most of us it is not the question of what we feel like as much as the question of what we look like to the person we are currently dating. If we really like someone, we don’t mind obsessing just a little bit as long as our new flame doesn’t find out or, god forbid, leave us. Then we really beat ourselves up, thinking “I was probably too desperate and scared him off” or “She got spooked because I was coming on too strongly.” In this week’s article I would like to share with you my definition of “being desperate” and how can you avoid it while at the same time remaining authentic and true to yourself and your feelings.
By definition, the word desperate is associated with having little or no hope, dangerous and reckless as well as having an urgent need. In other words, you are desperate when you lose your hope of ever finding your ideal love and you’re willing to do anything to have anybody in your life right now, regardless whether or not this person is right for you. That being said, it is not desperate to let someone know that you are interested in them or find them attractive. There is no need to play games or wait certain amount of days to call someone or return their phone calls. It is however desperate to continue dating someone who doesn’t meet one or more of your basic and most essential requirements. It is desperate to date someone based on limiting beliefs of not being able to attract anyone better or more suitable. It is desperate to pick a partner based on how he or she feels about you while partially or completely disregarding your feelings about him or her.
Your desperation can be felt miles away, especially by the person you’re desperately thinking about. It took me a while to realize this simple truth, but people somehow intuitively know when you are thinking about them more than taking care of yourself. When you are so upset about a certain man not calling you for days, that will actually make him want to call you even less. Over the long distance, not seeing you and not even having a slightest idea what you are doing in the moment, he can feel the vibrations of your earning. And those vibrations cause him to hesitate picking up that phone and dialing your number.
If you are wondering what can you do not to appear so desperate and make the other person want you, you are asking the wrong question. There is nothing you can do. The real question is, how can you cater to your own feelings and let go of your control over the other person’s feelings. You can never have control over how other people feel. But there is a part of you that earns and desperately lingers for nothing more than attention and love from YOU. Do yourself a favor, give yourself that love and nurturing and you will not be desperate for love from anybody else.
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