Katherine Bouglai

Which Part of Yourself Are You Taking on a Date With You?



Posted: Monday, April 26, 2010

by Katherine Bouglai
Coaching For Singles.

A few years ago when I was single and dating, one day I made a discovery that I wasnt dating consciously. Every time I would go out on a date with a new person, I would dress up nicely, put my make up on, and go out to meet this new guy with a full intent to be nice and behave myself.

I was raised by a single mother who was looking to meet a man and get married. I remember, every time before she invited a guy over to her house she would tell me to behave myself and be a good girl. Sometimes when she really liked a guy I was given more specific instructions on how to behave, but I was never encouraged to be myself. The message I got from being brought up like that was that men will only like me if I behave a certain way. I carried this message with me into adulthood and every time I went on a date with a guy, I would put on a persona that wasnt really me. Needless to say, most of those dates never led anywhere. I often felt exhausted afterwards it takes a lot of energy to put on a persona and it doesnt feel right.

One day, I had this realization of what I was doing and how I was sabotaging my new relationships. I decided to make a new commitment to myself. I wanted to be me - no games, no masks, no hiding and no pretending. After all, if I wanted to build an honest healthy relationship with a man, I have to start of as being authentic from day one (or date one). It was nice to find out that I wasnt alone at this. Many singles I talked to, men or women have hard time being themselves on a date. We subconsciously make it a priority to be liked and/or accepted over being who we really are. And many people would rather put on a fake persona and be disliked for being fake than come out as their authentic selves risking the possibility of being disliked for who they really are. The truth is however, this behavior is not empowering to an individual.

It is much more attractive to admit it to the other person that youre feeling nervous or awkward than try to cover it up by asking a lot of questions or pretending to be confident. Your date will more likely to respect you or fall for you if you honestly tell him or her that you didnt enjoy the show than if you pretended to like it just to be nice. And guess what, if this person doesnt like you for who you are, wouldnt it be a good information to know whom not to hang out with in the future? It is, of course a lot more challenging to be yourself around someone whom you adore, respect or feel strongly attracted to. It takes work to be personally empowered, but it is worth it. Sometimes there is no better advice on how to do it, you just have to do it in spite of the fact that your instincts are telling you to do the opposite.

If there was one most important thing to learn or practice when it comes to dating, it would definitely be mastering being yourself. When youre authentic in your interactions with others, youre learning about yourself, the other person and youre truly giving them the gift of learning about you. Thats the way to go.

Katherine Bouglai is a relationship and dating expert and she works with singles who are frustrated by attracting emotionally unavailable partners.  In their work together, Katherine takes her clients through the special program which helps them get real about what they want in a relationship, make a commitment to themselves and attract a quality partner who is both committed to them and fits into their ideal relationship.  Do you want to know what it takes to attract a committed partner and build the relationship you desire? Go to Her Web Site and find out
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