Katherine Bouglai

Do Women Really Need To Play It Hard To Get?



Posted: Thursday, January 28, 2010

by Katherine Bouglai
Coaching For Singles.

When I was single I often heard people tell me: "You've got to play it hard to get with men, they like you more if you do." I don't know about you but I got mixed messages from this statement, I used it as an explanation to why men I was not attracted to were more attracted to me? The idea of that being true really made me feel uneasy, does this mean that if I really like a guy I have to act like I am not interested in him so that he likes me more? Then a light bulb went on in my head! Read this article to find out more.

The term "hard to get" can be broad and confusing to many. What does it mean? When women are told "you got to play it hard to get", and we are told that a lot, that creates a bunch of mixed feelings and confusions. Does that mean I have to pretend I am not interested when I am? Do I have to be aloof, cold and not answer my phone when he calls? And then we are told something else, "if you like a guy, show him that you're interested." Whoa, a complete opposite statement! Where and how do I find that balance between showing that I'm interested to trigger his interest in me, yet at the same time not being interested too much to scare him off?

I have talked to several guys about this subject and got as many diverse answers as there were men I asked. Yet they all make sense in a way and somehow fit into what am I about to tell you. The truth is, it is not really about playing any game. If you want to play a game you will attract a player, someone who likes the chase. However, as soon as he "gets" you, he will most likely lose interest. What you want is someone who has interest in you and not your games.

If you are interested, then you are and if you're not interested, you are not. No need to pretend. The often misunderstood term "hard to get" is really not about pretending or hiding. There is nothing wrong with showing interest, it is about how close you are willing to let the guy into your life. It is about shutting the door when he does or says something disrespectful or unacceptable to you and letting him know that this is not something you're willing to tolerate. It is about letting the guy know that if he wants to get to know you, he has to respect you and your boundaries. If he approaches you with a diminishing pick up line you don't give him the honor of your warm and open conversation. If he is not willing to wait for you to have sex until you're ready or comfortable, you don't give him an honor of continuing a relationship. And that must be the toughest one of them all if he disappears and doesn't call you for days or weeks without an explanation, you don't give him the honor of talking to him when he reappears.

I may sound harsh, but think about what you really want in your relationship. If you tolerate things that are unacceptable to you from the beginning, how satisfying do you think this relationship (or lack of it) would turn out for you? Setting your boundaries can be really hard to do for many women mostly because our instincts are telling us to do the opposite. However, before the Universe is willing to give you what you want, it will first hand you a bunch of things you don't want. Until you master the challenge of dealing with those things, you will be stuck attracting them over and over again.
Katherine Bouglai is a relationship and dating expert and she works with singles who are frustrated by attracting emotionally unavailable partners.  In their work together, Katherine takes her clients through the special program which helps them get real about what they want in a relationship, make a commitment to themselves and attract a quality partner who is both committed to them and fits into their ideal relationship.  Do you want to know what it takes to attract a committed partner and build the relationship you desire? Go to Her Web Site and find out
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